Welcome to the Sugary Scoop, my free weekly newsletter where I help you see and experience the magic of NYC that I love so much through curated events, experiences, artists, and community stories.

What’s new this week?

So you may have noticed that the last event newsletter went through a bit of a makeover versus the one that was sent two weeks prior.

That’s because since the introduction of The Sweet List, we’ve been experimenting with different formats for the non-editorial mailings that happen every other week.
I took an initial stab at it before DK took the reins citing I had veered “too far off the reservation” brand wise (he really hated the Anime picture I had created of myself) and brought it back to a familiar center aesthetically.

Materially not much has changed, but you’ll notice we’ve settled on a design that’s far more systematized and consistent with the overall look and feel of most everything I do.
I guess I took too many liberties…I blame my unbridled creativity 😜
That said, I hope you like the new look and feel of it all and that it feels less schizophrenic than “my take”.

Let me know your thoughts.

Sugary 🍬

Let’s get into the scoop!

C.R.E.A.M. (but I sure wish it didn’t…)

Author's note: If you don't get the title reference, you clearly need some 90's hip-hop in your life. RIP Oliver "Power" Grant

I don't have a good relationship with money.

I'm not great at earning it, I'm terrible at asking for it, and I've always had trouble over the course of my life holding onto these bits of metal and colored paper.

But why?

I hadn't really given it much thought…

Well that's a lie…

For the longest time I wondered why that was. It was like I had an allergy to money or something and it always felt like it was something deeper that was driving this.

Truth is I've always wondered this all my life without receiving much elucidation on the subject…

Until my recent trip to visit my parents.

During this experience two things became crystal clear to me:

Realization #1: Money and close relationships are a precarious enterprise.

As with many people, the question of inheritance starts to take center stage as time goes on.

My parents were extremely frugal and so they have enough to be comfortable in Taiwan even if by American standards it is merely a pittance.

But even something as modest as this savings is enough to draw out the throes of desperation and need.

I will say, I don't think the element of greed figures into my particular picture and I'm super thankful for that, but this trip I certainly felt agendas at play, jockeying for position and consideration for where the remaining funds will ultimately end up.

A noticeable shift in both tone and topic has definitely occurred and it's a really uncomfortable position to be put in.

This by the way echoes in similar fashion in chosen family as well.

Realization #2: Money's greatest legacy has been trauma.

On a random Tuesday night I woke up to find my mom had entered my room at around 4am. She looked confused and troubled.

I asked her what was wrong and she told me that she felt uneasy. When I pressed her to determine what was the root cause it came down to the fact that she wasn't sure what was happening with the finances stateside. I gently explained to her that she has access to the majority of her savings and what remained in the US was a mere trifle by comparison.

But my mother wasn't satisfied. She started obsessing over the minuscule amount.
I sat my mother down and told her that the thing she should be focusing on is how her and dad can lead a more comfortable life with the time that they have remaining and that that was most important.

My mother bristled at that notion and called me reckless. She said that I was childish and that if they weren't careful, they'd be left penniless in the street.

An abject falsehood.

My parents aren't wealthy but by Taiwan standards they'll have no problems surviving.

After reiterating my previous point, I looked at my mom dead in the face and asked her a series of 3 questions:

What's more important? Is it the money or is it dad's well-being?

It would take 15 minutes to wrangle an answer out of her that dad was more important…maybe.

What's more important? Is it the money or is it your son's well-being?

30 more minutes before she begrudgingly admitted that I was more important than money. (That did wonders for my self-confidence by the way.)

And finally, what's more important? Is it the money or is it YOURSELF?

A whopping 45 minutes extra before I could finally extract an admission of modest self-worth from my mom.

By the time I had finished this unanticipated interrogation, the sun was already starting to come up.

I was exhausted from the experience and dismayed to see what my mother had become.

When I reflect on my childhood, there was never a time when money wasn't at the center of every decision made.

And I hated it.

The notion of financial ruin was always just around the corner and so behind the unyielding bars of frugality was how I experienced the world.

My mother, who minded all the finances, took her role so seriously that it became part of her identity…and ultimately her prison, especially as dementia in essence locked her into this pattern and threw away the key.

This anxiety-riddled miser counting phantom numbers had now fully replaced my mother when before it was merely an imposing specter.

In experiencing these two things it all of a sudden dawned on me as to why I have such an aversion to money…

I've had a front row seat all my life to bear witness to what money has done to my family and to the people that I love.

Is there any wonder why I associate money with a certain air of vulgarity and repulsiveness?

But recognizing it is one thing and I'm sure this is gonna be a fascinating subject between me and my therapist to gnaw over across numerous sessions.

I do however have to live in the present and that means also reflecting on these points. Here are some things I've come up with that'll serve me well going forward:

Reflection #1: Proactive vs. Reactive
In mistakes I have made in the past and probably will make again but hopefully to a lesser degree, managing expectations and having upfront communication even before the other person asks is and always will be the best practice.

Why do I tend to procrastinate on this?

Because the subject itself is uncomfortable, at least for me. It's one of those things where at least in my mind the childish side of me just wants to not have to address this and just "hope it works itself out." The pain is rooted in unbearable memories.

Definitely not the way. And I endeavor to be much more proactive going forward. Come hell or high water, at least everything is clear and out in the open.

Reflection #2: Legacies can change
Even though my experience with money has been a painful one growing up, it doesn't mean I need to continue the cycle. And I won't.

The first thing to recognize is that money is a tool, a neutral element and it can be bent towards what's right just as easily as it can towards what's wrong both in philosophical and practical aspects.

This is why the work I do with the Sugary community is all about values, inspiration and access.

Reflection #3: Building Sugary with this in mind
To put it more clearly, the idea is to create a value system that does not and will not place financial gain as the highest tier on the pedestal. Finances are important, but not the most important thing.

The next thing would be to focus on designing extraordinary experiences that are safe, thoughtful and authentic, leaving people inspired and supported. You can't ever TELL anyone to do anything and expect it to be effective, but what you can do is INSPIRE and let people draw their own conclusions.

That means making sure that everything from our memberships, event prices and special initiatives (i.e. Fine Folk…a high priced, ultra high value ticket…but COMPLETELY donation based) are as non cost-prohibitive as possible. People once inspired need to feel empowered with the dignity of access and content of character HAS TO BE more important than money, power and digital influence in this regard.

Though this will always be a give and take and a work in progress (being sustainable is a real thing especially in NYC), at the very least we won't be like a certain membership club that implies that water is for members only (true story) and that you pay an exorbitant fee only to pay for for the illusion of superficial status, overpriced F&B and watered down events.

Yeah, no thanks.

So while I can't change what has happened to me through my life, I do have a say in what happens next.

And so as it turns out, I also do subscribe to the notion of C.R.E.A.M….

but just a different kind of "C"…

…and I'll let you fill in the blank as to what that might be.

As it turns out 1 letter makes all the difference after all…

Sugary 🍬

An Ark

Life is a funny thing.

For all of its variety of perspective and subtle differences, the human experience from birth until death is a remarkably relatable one highlighted by fleeting firsts, festering insecurities, and loves gained/lost.

And that is exactly what An Ark seeks to present.

4 actors led by the inimitable Sir Ian McKellen appear virtually in front of you and narrate “your life”.

It is an unvarnished experience for sure, meant to highlight the story and little else.

For the most part, An Ark creates a believable universal timeline for audiences to reflect on.

But it is quite plain.

It almost makes me wonder whether this production presented in this format is wholly necessary although I recognize that the ethereal nature of a virtual presence lends itself to the idea of a spiritual presence echoing across time.

But I for one would have loved more interaction and movement incorporated into the experience which I thought would happen given that this is the second production of this type created by Tin Drum and presented at The Shed, the first one being a far more dynamic presentation of the late Ryuichi Sakamoto’s work which debuted at the Shed a couple years back which I also attended.

All in all, An Ark is not the most compelling piece of a mixed media offering one could experience, but if you are a fan of contemplating life in perspective, An Ark just might provide additional relevant fodder for your reflection.

🍬 Sugary

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Thank you for taking the time to read to the end!

I hope you found something inspiring and meaningful in my content and until next time, explore the possibilities of NYC.

-Sugary

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PS. Don’t be shy and hit reply and tell me how you’re doing!