Welcome to the Sugary Scoop, my free weekly newsletter where I help you see and experience the magic of NYC that I love so much through curated events, experiences, artists, and community stories.

What’s new this week?

Dine and Dissert Redux

Two months ago I started a dining series based on community feedback of wanting more opportunities for intimate connection.   It was an effort to balance out my larger gatherings with more intimate experiences. 

I’m thrilled to let you know that it has turned out to be a big success!

Last month it was three tables of six. This month it was four tables of six. If anything our limitation is the restaurant itself not even so much the interest, which is actually kind of crazy If you think about it.

And the feedback has honestly been tremendous.

I've had some people write and text me asking me about what makes this series different and special. 

Here are the hallmarks for this event series: 

I'm really happy that people have been so receptive to the series and promise to continue developing it further so that it becomes a highlight of every month in terms of a culinary experience for you to possibly enjoy.  Special acknowledgement to David Lee (Smith + Parka) within the Sugary community for really galvanizing the impetus to get this series started. 

The next Dine and Dissert will take place on Tuesday September 15th and this time we will be visiting the Upper East Side to explore the Michelin recognized mecca for South Indian and Sri Lankan cuisine, Lungi.

RSVP Here:  https://luma.com/xfpa5rhg

Sugary 🍬

Molasses

Not many people know this, but before I assumed my role as a cultural curator, I was mainly in music and before even that, dance was my ultimate gateway drug into the world of arts and culture to begin with during my college years.

I really credit dance for expanding my life, and allowing me not only to discover the joy of creative expression, but also to open up and give space to a personality that was always present, yet somewhat dormant due to how I was raised.

Between college and my early years in NYC, my curiosity and spirit ran in tandem to my taste for greater and greater self expression.

I found my moves through dance, I found my voice through karaoke/speaking and I found my purpose through interacting with tens of thousands of people.

I was out all the time, and there were so many opportunities to just naturally fall into practice of the very things that art and culture had provided me.

In those early years, it truly seemed everything was on this limitless upward trajectory.

As the years progressed and certain priorities shifted, so too did the opportunity present itself more and more to simply bow out of things.

In fact, one could honestly say that as time went by, “doing less” became the lauded choice versus constantly being out there because there were other priorities to consider.  When I had my health scare last year, it only further cemented this trend.

As much as there is wisdom in this, I also noticed something this past week when I went out to dance.

My friend had sent me a last minute invite to check out this new dance series in Brooklyn that was launching that allegedly really focused on the dancing and little else.

Wanting to be on top of what was happening in the city (and also trusting his taste), I made it out to Greenpoint after my own event that I had just hosted to catch the last hour and a half of this dance party which ran from 7 to midnight.  No phones or talking on the dance floor. No alcohol. Just rotating styles of house music and a dance floor. Very unpretentious, raw and pure.

As I made my way inside, I realized that this was actually someone’s home. It had warehouse vibes so it certainly was an adapted space but in its own way it kinda contributed to the vibes and made it feel that much more special.

As I made my way onto the dance floor, I prepared to start moving and I felt an unfamiliar sensation…

…hesitation.

What? Like WTF.  Where was this coming from?  I literally had no idea why I was feeling this sudden anxiety I was feeling and it’d been a while since I felt that way about anything…and yet it felt oddly familiar…back to that in a sec.

Kinda threw me for a loop.

I had to get my head back in the game…

So I willed myself to move to the beat.  

It felt awkward at first, but with each successive song, I could feel that sense of greater freedom returning to my movement.  

I danced for about four songs straight and had to take a water break.

With a cup in hand, I sat down and felt the wave of euphoria rush over me as I rested for a couple songs and took the opportunity to also connect with a few people sitting right next to me…in typical me fashion.

As I recovered some wind, I felt I was ready to return to the dance floor, but there again was that same sensation…that annoying hesitancy, a voice in my mind nudging me to just take it easy and not go back out there anymore.

Thankfully, I overrode that voice and went back out to dance another five songs before my body reminded me that I should maybe consider a little bit more cardio in prep before I entertained a sequel to this experience.

I’m glad I did it, but honestly, it made me think about why this was and when I thought about it, I also recognized that this sensation of doubt and anxiety had creeped up in other instances that I did not expect to occur most notably after COVID and when I had my health scare last year and was in essence forced to stop all activities. I didn’t notice it immediately, but all of a sudden there were now dance floor that remained barely touched by my feet, instances of karaoke sessions where I actually didn’t prioritize singing…or going into a room with a tougher social dynamic and feeling like maybe I shouldn’t try to talk to folks after all.

I mean, where was this coming from?  

You’re talking about a guy that was always first on the dance floor, first on the mic and first to approach a person cold at any event regardless of the room.

As I reflected on it, I realized something interesting…

…this was a kind of “psychological rust” 

Being out of practice meant that I had in fact lost a bit of rhythm to what I did…but it was the memory of competence and the self consciousness that followed, which was inspiring this avoidant behavior.

As a beginner being bad is expected, as an experienced person, being bad signifies something else…

…loss.

It’s wild to think about, especially since I’m always the one out there advocating that skill doesn’t matter, that it is far more important to just go out and do things and get here. I was wrestling with my own ego on the very thing I was preaching against.  Sure I may have won the battle, but it was a battle that I’ve never anticipated having to fight.

I was so fascinated by this that that very night I googled some research about it discovered that the world of psychology actually has a term for this:

Reward Dysregulation

Literally right in front of the screen, I saw a layout of what I was feeling, this negative feedback loop staring at me right in the face.

Here’s how it goes:

Stop doing something —> it leaves your routine —> activation energy increases —> returning feels awkward —> you avoid the awkwardness —> more time passes —> returning feels even more formidable.

It’s literally a form of negative reinforcement and my God it is a powerful sensation.

This battle is particularly insidious because you don’t necessarily see it creeping up and it assails your very identity.

“I dance” becomes “I used to dance”

“I karaoke” becomes “ I used to karaoke”

“I connect with anyone” becomes “I used to connect with anyone”

This sort of decay redefines your present from your former self from which you’ll later generate all sorts of justifications as to why you no longer “do what you did”.

And the most messed up thing about it is you could love and have nostalgia over the things you used to do and be great at still running at a fever pitch, while your actual participation plummets.

It’s aggravatingly diabolical.

You know I go about telling everybody that NYC is a participatory sport and you get out of it what you put in. That there are more affordable places to sit on the sidelines of life and that the longer you don’t participate the more inertia you feel to get back into the rhythm of the city again.

I NEVER realized that I was actually offering a larger metaphor on life itself, but there it was staring me right in the face.

So after reading about it from several sources and pairing it with my own lived experience struggling with this phenomenon, here are some reflections that might be helpful if you share anything similar to what I experienced:

Inspiration is fickle and when placed under the auspices of ego and confidence can be a particularly tricky moving target.  You can’t wait for desire to show up because it may never be there until you get back into a groove. DOING is much more important than to “feel like” doing it and it’s far more important that you make appointments with yourself for yourself.

First off, no one cares all that much. Trust me, everyone has their own stuff to deal with that is currently already overwhelming them even if they’re not open about it.  Secondly, take specific care not to make comparisons of “current you” to “old you”.  Old you might have been amazing at something, but old you didn’t have the responsibilities and priorities you have now. Life is constantly shifting so it’s unreasonable and unfair to yourself to believe that you could be as amazing as you once were at things that you haven’t made into your profession or something you haven’t dedicated your life to in some significant way involving sacrifice of other things.

Just know in your soul it might not feel great the first few times. Sure, you might get lucky, but don’t count on it. But there was a reason you enjoyed it and excelled in it in the first place, somewhere below that psychological quagmire is a real love.  It exists, so trust in the process. To help you along A) choose environments that feel safe whatever that means to you, either a venue you know and love or perhaps it’s a room that feels anonymous B) Draft energy off of supportive friends who will accompany you and lend you some good encouraging vibes C) Stop while you’re still enjoying yourself…no need to go from 0 —> 100mph right at the jump. Dip your toe, then wade in, before taking a total plunge.

Following this experience I literally went to my calendar and made a few “appointments” to do more of what I loved and not necessarily because I felt like it.

Because I needed it for myself.

If there’s something you once did that you loved doing that you were great at but haven’t done in some time, I’d encourage you to consider taking some baby steps toward getting your groove back.

Otherwise, your mind will continue being an infernal machine and give you endless reasons and excuses for you to take things away from yourself, some of which may actually matter more than you realize in the moment.

Make sure along the way you always give yourself permission and encouragement to enjoy the things you love from your past, present…so that it may be part of your future.

Sure, what you achieved in the past can be viewed as a peak, and something to be proud of. Just know that you’re scaling a different peak now with different challenges that are equally significant and noteworthy, and ALSO something to take pride in. In the end, it’s all amazing anyways.

And once you get through that mountain range and look back at it…

….would you look at that…you’ll have lived quite a life.

Sugary 🍬

An Expert at The Card Table

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I think it’s safe to say that we all love a bit of close-up magic.

There’s something about the intimacy of it all…the proximity, the  feigned trust that is cultivated, only to be betrayed moments later with charming panache.

Yet not all shows are created equal.

And I would rank An Expert at the Card Table as one of the standouts.

I had the privilege of attending the preview of this new show (which takes place every Monday at the River) and I gotta say…it is impressive in its quiet spectacle as much as in its unassuming nature.

As you walk in, it’s already a vibe.  The decor and lighting all lend towards the mysterious, the cheap wood paneling and dated flea market worthy art pieces all contribute to a transporting experience…as you round the corner you’re led into a room hosting no more than 15-20 people and quite literally invited to sit at and around a table that is at most 3 x 3 feet wide.

There, you are greeted by the affable and unassuming host Shane Cobalt who was part of the team behind David Blaine and countless others (yes there are always teams developing tricks for some of the more well known magicians in our pop culture).

You’re greeted like you were friends, but in the hour to follow, your fragile sense of reality beguiled and confounded in every which way.

It’s a delightful evening of trickery and storytelling put together completely by Shane, and he’ll even show you how certain tricks work but I promise you it won’t matter. 

Because right after he literally shows you how the trick is done, he’ll do the trick right in front of you and you won’t be able to catch it.

Look as close as you want, I dare you.

Suppose what makes this show stand out apart from the execution is how approachable the whole experience feels.

It’s a pretty incredible moment to witness and while it’s around, I strongly urge you to check it out if you could do with some more  amazement in your life. 

 Sugary 🍬

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Thank you for taking the time to read to the end!

I hope you found something inspiring and meaningful in my content and until next time, explore the possibilities of NYC.

-Sugary

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PS. Don’t be shy and hit reply and tell me how you’re doing!