Welcome to the Sugary Scoop, my free weekly newsletter where I help you see and experience the magic of NYC that I love so much through curated events, experiences, artists, and community stories.

What’s new this week?

Events Map View 

“X” may mark the spot historically, but these days things have gotten a bit more colorful.

An additional feature has been added to The Sweet List that I think you’re all gonna enjoy. 

Introducing our new maps feature (courtesy of DK).

You can now see all upcoming events on an interactive map! Tap the "Map" toggle on your events page to switch views.

Each pin shows you the event's trust level at a glance —

🍭 Sugary Hosted, ⭐️ Trusted Organizer, 🎲 Roll the Dice, and 🍬 Sugary Picks. 

Click any pin for details and a direct RSVP link.

Use the quick filters to narrow it down to This Week or Next Week.

We’d always wanted to help enable folks to access more curated events and The Sweet List did just that.

Now with this feature, the hope is that if you have multiple events in an evening either from the list or whatever else you have going on, you can just plan better overall.

This has been something I’ve wanted for a while and so I’m really happy to be able to offer it to you.

Please explore this new feature and let us know what you think! 

Enjoy!

Let’s get into the scoop!

Sugary 🍬

What’s in a Name?

A few weeks back, I was at an event with a friend of mine and we were making the rounds in meeting and connecting with folks that were at the event.

My friend accompanied me as we sashayed across the promenade making a bee line towards the cocktail bar when suddenly two ladies intersected our libation-driven trajectory. 

Instinctively and without missing a beat, I immediately catapulted us directly into introductions and took the liberty of firing off the opening salvo of greetings and inquiries before following up with our names in turn.

This orderly rite of conversation was abruptly broken with a curious footnote from my friend…

“…Actually his name is Gary Su he just goes by Sugary…don’t worry about it.”

In that moment I had a sudden recall of a feeling, one that I’d felt before from her, and many just like her.

…disrespect.

After a quick banter and sequestering the contact details, the ladies shuffled off to parts unknown and my friend resumed the journey to the bar until she realized 3 steps in, I was dragging.

“Aren’t you coming?”, she asked. 

“Why did you just do that?”, I replied.

“Do what exactly?” she asked, genuinely perplexed.

“Correct my name.”, I told her. “Why did you do that?”

“Oh please, it’s not that big a deal.”, she said dismissively.

“Maybe not to you, but you shouldn’t be apologizing on my behalf for my name…and it IS my name," I replied calmly.

“Whatever”.

…and with that single word, the issue encapsulated years of flippant dismissal.

But what was the reason for this slight?

I mean this was a longtime friend and yet somehow this capacity to just be so nonchalant about this point was a bit jarring to say the least. 

At the conclusion of the evening, I had time to reflect on it and here are a few thoughts on the matter:

People live by their own sense of “order”.  Anything that upsets this ideal is deeply unsettling…even with something as simple as a name.

It’s all rooted in some type of fear.

A departure from the familiar, of the countless Johns, Jennifers, Marys, Sarahs and so on* that populate our everyday encounters.

(“Love all the Johns, Jennifers, Marys and Sarahs and so ons in my life…just making a point 😅)

My friend wasn’t apologizing for the sake of the strangers we met, she wasn’t even doing it for my sake…she was doing it to comfort herself.

She felt a certain level of second-hand embarrassment from the assumption of how my introduction would be perceived or rather how she would be perceived.  She made it about her.  

Which leads me to my next point…

Brilliant. Clever. Cool. Fun. Unique.

But also…

Awkward. Disturbing. Nonsense. Pimp. Weirdo.

These are among the many reactions I’ve received over the years across over 30,000 introductions.

An adequate sample size I think for this next observation.

Would it surprise you to know that it isn’t a 50-50 split?

More like 95-5 in favor actually.

So if I choose to believe anything, why on Earth would I harp on the less than 5% that feel a certain negative way about it instead of embracing the lion’s share of people that find it to be a memorable and effortlessly charming moniker?

Even something as simple and innocuous as me having shirts made with my name on it was somehow deigned by a sliver of people to be a bad thing because they couldn’t fathom doing it themselves.

In an unexpectedly weird way, wearing a shirt with my name billboarded became a bit of an exercise in my own self resilience and whether I could withstand external judgement, which never went beyond the superficial.

Well, it beats a name tag. I'll tell you that much.

A person’s regard for another is rooted in part through a name. And I am a firm believer that you shouldn’t have to compromise for anyone on this front.  

Which brings me to my final point…

Forget the naysayers.  Dare to assert how you would like to be represented and remind people of their own right as well.  

Western cultures have a particularly nasty habit with regards to chipping away at this resolve.

And it usually comes in the form of simplifying another’s name for their convenience rather than earning respect through the effort of trying to “get it right”.

Whenever I meet somebody and it’s a name I am unaccustomed to or I sense has been abbreviated, I always try to encourage them to share a pronunciation or get them to reveal their full name.

And no matter what anyone says, it’s not THAT hard.  No the name that I have ever encountered rises above the difficulty of mildly challenging. Like seriously.

And there’s never been a single person I have met thus far that hasn’t appreciated this way of going about things.

NOT ONE.

Think about that for a second in the context of all the actual people that I have met to date.

So at the end of the day, embrace another person’s name even if you don’t personally  “get it”.  You don’t have to.

What you need to do is offer dignity and respect and this is about as fundamental as it gets.

Because respecting another person’s name as it is meant to be known is so much more than overcoming a mere inconvenience, you’re acknowledging the individuality and identity of a person.  

Somehow, I just don’t think that that’s too much to ask.

We can’t let our colloquial comrades have all the fun now can we?

Besides…it’s not that big of a deal…whatever.

Sugary 🍬

GATHER

We know the usual suspects when it comes to events…dinners, dance parties, music salons and the like.  

But what about kintsugi or mark making?  An architectural walk perhaps or maybe even a discussion on feedback as creative alchemy?

Welcome to Gather, which views “creative play as a daily act” and where the belief is that “all people are inherently makers with an innate quest for originality and adventure”.

The brainchild of design and creative guru Esther Mun, this series of workshops and experiences offer a bill of fare most certainly off any conventional path that I’ve typically experienced.

This in and of itself is refreshing.

I recently attended one on the “Spirit of Hosting” which I felt was a very fitting selection for a person like me ;-).

And rather than the technical experience I was expecting, it was more of a philosophical one.

And even though it wasn’t a huge surprise that I already inherently understood most of the underlying philosophies, I didn’t really expect there’d be a class focused specifically on it.

And I suppose that this sensation encapsulates a lot of what Gather workshops embody - unexpected craft aimed at inspiring individual creativity.

I definitely look forward to checking out more of these workshops down the line and urge you to check out all that Gather has to offer. I guarantee that their slate of programming will contain some unique offerings you won’t really find anywhere else.

🍬 Sugary

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Thank you for taking the time to read to the end!

I hope you found something inspiring and meaningful in my content and until next time, explore the possibilities of NYC.

-Sugary

🍰🍭🍩🍦🍫🍪🍨🧁

PS. Don’t be shy and hit reply and tell me how you’re doing!